Not Enough
by Waxie
Summary: Fatherhood can be a rather shocking ordeal. More so if it’s unplanned. Seto will have to understand that there’s more to fatherhood beyond the wallet and simultaneously keep a shaky marriage from sinking right from under him. S x YY
1. Chapter 1 of the Rest of My Life

Title: Not Enough

Author: Waxie

Rating: PG13 may go up

Pairing: S/YY

Spoilers: none

Warnings: angsty m-pregnancy, Yaoi!

Disclaimer: Yu-gi-oh isn't mine nor is No Basta by Franco DeVita.

Summary: Fatherhood can be a rather shocking ordeal. More so if it's unplanned. Seto will have to understand that there's more to fatherhood beyond the wallet and simultaneously keep a shaky marriage from sinking right from under him.

Status: 1?

Author's Notes: My first songfic. Lovely song, No Basta by Franco DeVita.

ooooooooooooooo

**Chapter 1 of the Rest of My Life**

_No Basta_

_Traerlos al mundo porque es obligatorio_

_Porque son la base del matrimonio_

_O porque te equivocaste en la cuenta_

_(It's not enough_

_Bringing them to the world because it's obligatory_

_Because they're the base of matrimony_

_Or because you made a mistake in counting) (1)_

I'm a man of commitment. Of promises. Of keeping my word. Of vows. And while such oaths can be heavy burdens, they keep my life in constant check. I knew where I was going. I knew where my life was heading. I knew what to expect in the end even before it appeared on the horizon.

But this.

_This._

Up until now, I had enjoyed what I had going for me. But for once in my life, I needed an outlet from the life I chose for myself. I needed something that could keep me sane and at the same time require nothing in return. I didn't need more weight added to my shoulders; I didn't need another responsibility, another priority; I didn't need something to add to my "to-do list." I needed an escape and oh so badly.

Yami supplied me that freedom.

Having a secret relationship with Yami had been wild…while it lasted. It was unpredictable; he was unpredictable. Unlike the rest of my life, which was so planned, so orderly, and so in place, it was thrilling to have someone destroy that organization, even in the smallest, most insignificant way. Although I never told him, I loved to come into my office to find my once-tidy desk in a total state of chaos, the stapler in the wrong drawer, my laptop pushed to the side instead of dead center, my pen on the left side of the desk instead of on my right, my chair pushed out and facing the wrong direction. And the perpetrator for this heinous act?

Asleep.

Sprawled out on a couch I had placed against the nearest wall near my desk. It was the same couch I had placed there to keep an eye on Mokuba whilst he slept and waited for me to finish my work.

I always reprimanded him for messing with my desk. I couldn't let him know I loved it when he did it. I couldn't let him know that putting everything in its original position allowed some time for introspection of what I had become, of what I might still progress to. Yami allowed me that time. No one else did.

And after a nice hour of reflection, I'd wake him and then we'd make the beast with two backs. Yami was good in the sac. There was no way around it; I'm not going to be modest about it. I can't blame myself for always anticipating our next fuck, once you go romping Yami-style, you don't ever want to go back.

But regardless of what it may sound like.

Regardless.

I am not in love with him. I should feel bad for what I'm doing to him. I know it hurts him. I'm aware of his feelings for me, aware of how it must eat at him; aware that it was killing him little by little. He knows I won't love him back. He knows I can't.

Won't, can't, can't, won't. It doesn't even matter which it is.

Because the fact remains: I'm using him and yet he keeps coming back.

No, I keep letting him come back.

After all, I have always been in charge of matters that concern me. I've never allowed anyone to take control of the steering wheel. And yet again, this is ironic. Before my very eyes, I saw my life deviate towards something that had an ending I could not foretell. I'm not used to not being able to see my hands when they're right in front of me.

I deserve this.

What was it that willed me to extend what should have been a one-night stand into a daily reoccurrence?

But tonight was not the night to peruse over this new unstable relationship I had forced myself to create with Yami. It wasn't planned. It wasn't wanted. Hell, even Yami was still in shock about how it happened. A man couldn't have a child! I risked a look at Yami, who was in a deep slumber. Apparently that man could.

I have no choice.

It's only ethical, if not conventional. I may be a licentious bastard, but even I have a sense of right from wrong. I can raise his baby; I can support him, economically.

I lie down in my bed and stay precariously close to the corner. I'm not used to sharing my bed. I'm unable to find a comfortable spot and curse when I feel Yami snuggle up against me. I lay still; this was actually rather comfortable. I just hope Mokuba doesn't find us like this. Not like it'll matter. Tomorrow, he'll know.

They'll all know.

And they'll know because of this.

_This._

ooooooooooooooo

(1) This is a rather difficult line to translate. There is a very faulty method of predicting the days a woman can have sexual relations by knowing when her menstruation is coming and leaving. It involves counting the days and, quite frankly, guessing. Hope this helps explain that line.


	2. Chapter 2 of Closing My Eyes and Pretend...

Title: Not Enough

Author: Waxie

Rating: PG13 may go up

Pairing: S/YY

Spoilers: none

Warnings: angsty m-pregnancy, Yaoi!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh.

Summary: Fatherhood can be a rather shocking ordeal. More so if it's unplanned. Seto will have to understand that there's more to fatherhood beyond the wallet and simultaneously keep a shaky marriage from sinking right from under him.

Status: 2?

Author's Notes: More story. More plot. More angst. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 2 of Closing My Eyes and Pretending**

I told him.

I TOLD him.

I sit up in bed. The delayed realization is finally seeping in, reaching my very veins and now circulating throughout my whole body, keeping tempo with my raging heartbeat. The chill air hits my warm skin, causing me to shiver. I glance at the window; its open...again. I glance at the clock next to me before slipping out from under the covers and heading over to the open window.

5:37 A.M. It's early. It's dark outside. And I'm late.

Closing the window, I turn to survey the room. My eyes scan over the blue carpet, the walls, the furniture, the bed, and lastly he himself who has been the reason of my misery for the past year.

I stoop down and pick up my button-up shirt from where it had been strewn aside last night. It's ripped…again. Seto, in his animalistic desperation to relieve his need, to feel his skin upon mine, had ripped off each button with his teeth until finally flinging it away over his shoulder. I walk over to his dresser and take out a clean shirt from the bottom drawer. I slip it on, tossing the ruined shirt in the waste basket as I retrieve my pants from the foot of the bed. As I slip on my pants, I see Seto, in his slumber, roll onto his back.

Seto.

Fiddling with the collar of the shirt I just borrowed, I watch him. I follow the slow rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathes evenly and deeply. His hair is mussed and loose locks of soft, short brown hair adorn his sleeping face in random directions. It compliments him nicely, the messy, tumultuous look. He has no idea how much he reminds me of his former past self.

High Priest Seto. **My** High Priest Seto. Long gone are the days I had with him. I sacrificed my life for Egypt, we swore to meet again, and this is what the gods gave me. This pathetic excuse for what my Seto used to be. This Seto…this Kaiba in all his secular glory he holds so dearly…he could **never** match his predecessor. No, this Kaiba, this man asleep in his bed is a mockery of my dead lover.

Cruel are the gods, for it is unfortunate I met him. He carries all the physical attributes my lover once did. Cerulean eyes, chestnut brown hair, a strong lithe build – all of these does he possess and for what? He is nothing like the man he resembles; he is nothing like the reincarnation I could have ever fathomed him to be.

My High Priest is dead.

But perhaps, what hurts more than his departure from this world, more than knowing I that I am doomed to live out this pathetic existence by myself, is having a look-alike walk around and pretend to be him. And while I know this isn't Seto, can never be Seto, I cling to him like an anchor to my sanity.

I'm using him. He doesn't know who it really is I am thinking about when I kiss him, when I let him have his way with me. It is his luck he bears my deceased lover's name. For it is not his name I call out every night, but that of an Egyptian Seto, a Seto only alive in my memories.

But this Seto…this Kaiba is as close as I can get to the real thing…These hands, this chest, this hair, these eyes, these lips…

"Seto…" I whisper huskily in his ear. "Seto wake up…"

His eyes slowly open to the call of my lover's name. I rub my face into his cheek, much like a cat. I need to feel him… I need to make myself pretend he's with me…"Seto…"

"Haven't had enough?" He's smirking. I know he's smirking; I don't need to see it to know it's there. He flips us over and I find myself sandwiched between the bed and him. I close my eyes as he begins his assault. Pretend…pretend its Seto…

But I'm lying to myself.

This man now on top of me is only Seto skin deep…

He kisses the juncture between my neck and shoulder…_skin deep is deep enough_…

No, it's not.

_I can make it…_

No, I can't…

_I'm going to have to…he's the father to my baby…_

Everything catches up to me, too hard, too fast. I push him off of me and I scramble off the bed.

I explain as I slip on my jacket harshly all the while avoiding his questioning gaze. "It's late. Mokuba will be up soon to watch his morning cartoons. I doubt you'd want him to walk in on us?" I zip up my jacket and finally look up at him. "Besides, I have to get back home to Yugi."

"Yes, of course." He replies, devoid of any emotion. I leave before he can say much more.


	3. Chapter 3 of Taking the Initiative and t...

Title: Not Enough

Author: Waxie

Rating: PG13 may go up

Pairing: S/YY

Spoilers: none

Warnings: angsty m-pregnancy, Yaoi!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh.

Summary: Fatherhood can be a rather shocking ordeal. More so if it's unplanned. Seto will have to understand that there's more to fatherhood beyond the wallet and simultaneously keep a shaky marriage from sinking right from under him.

Status: 3?

Author's Notes: Woo, for once I have something to say. Yeah, talk about strange. Hmm, well, what can I say about this chappie? It was difficult to write. nods Maybe not necessarily for its contents, but more because I was in a slump? shrugs Dunno. This chappie is serious and then it turns out a little humorous. -;; Don't know how that happened. This chappie does however remind me of a really good line from Nights at the Circus by Angela Carter. The line goes like this: "What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many?" Yeah. Now you've got a hint as to what this chappie could possibly be about. Hehe, ok, now I'll address a question that's been driving me slightly up the wall. "**How did Yami get pregnant?"** Well, boys and girls, when two people partake in "adult" activities… I'm just kidding. Because it's in my nature to be secretive and a big tease, I'll tell you this…reader leans forward You'll see.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I've got a few more things to address. Todo, hopefully you'll grow to love me again after this chapter, but when I get to later chapters…I'll be running for the hills. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's reviewed so far, reviewers and non-reviewers alike. Special thanks to Lindi and Todo for helping me come up with names and such. And a very extra special 'thank you' to Seers who in her very sweet way has hounded me to update. Seers baby, you have no idea how much you've helped me. blows seers a kiss and winks

Now enough with my rambling! Onwards! BATTLE CRY (Yeah, I'm hyped up. Why do you ask?)

* * *

**Chapter 3 of Taking the Initiative and the "Mokie Response"**

I've already sworn to myself that I'd be responsible about this.

There's no room for hesitation, a moment to catch my breath, or a second to take a step back. I know what needs to be done; now all I need is the initiative to do it.

The next step should be obvious. The next step _is_ obvious. Regardless of how my child came to existence, and how ludicrous this whole situation still seems, I've already decided to meet this challenge head on. And Seto Kaiba _does not_ run with his tail between his legs.

He does however lie in bed talking to himself.

"This is ridiculous." I'm going to do this. I'm _going_ to do this. I'm going to--

The problem is I don't want to regret anything. I've had too many regrets in my life, too many moments I feverishly wish I could change. I don't want another point in my life where I know I've made a poor choice. I'm a businessman. Businessmen don't make poor choices. I can't _afford_ to--

But I also know what it's like to grow up without a proper father figure. This I know too well. Having been an orphan and having had Gozaburo as a stepfather…I'm not going to continue that cycle. Not today, not ever.

The room is too hot. I glance over to the window. It's closed…again.

"Why does he always close it?" I mutter to myself as I get up from my bed and cross the room to throw open the window. The rays of the morning sun hit my face making my eyes squint. Rubbing the remnants of sleep from my eyes and taking in a deep breath of fresh morning air, I find it.

Initiative.

* * *

Tall glass double doors opened as a couple exited the building. A young man, probably around 24, had his arm draped around a young woman who was giggling and talking in an excited fashion; both were young, happy, and as far as one could tell, very much in love. Behind them, the large glass double doors closed in a slow inviting manner, almost as if offering me entrance. 

The Blue Diamond.

I was standing before not just any old jewelry store; but the best of the best. Its name was highly recognized and respected everywhere. Its diamonds and other gems were among the best in their class. Of course, not like I would ever go for anything but the best.

I take a step towards the large doors; inside lays the one object that is going to absolutely change my life. For better or for worse has yet to be determined.

I don't have to marry him. Not to say I'm scared. Far from it. It's just a little extreme, you know? He's just going to have my child…nothing big.

Ugh, who am I kidding? I need to do this. I'm not going to repeat what happened this morning. Lying in bed for a whole hour fighting with myself over what course of actions I should take…ridiculous.

Regaining my composure – as if I had ever even lost it – I take proud, decisive steps into the building ignoring the strange feeling in my stomach.

"Like anything you see?"

"Perhaps." How long have I been in here? Two minutes? I like instantaneous attention. I'm a customer, not some window shopper! She probably doesn't know what's she's doing. Maybe it's not worth it.

Maybe I should leave.

"Looking for something in specific? An engagement ring? An anniversary ring? Just _a_ ring?"

"I'm looking for an engagement ring."

"Ah! Well, congratulations! The engagement ring is the most important ring. It's not just about what it is, if it's gold, if it has diamonds, if it's plain, if it's intricate; it's something much more meaningful than that. It's about what it's about."

What it's about?

"The engagement is a statement. A promise, if you will. In words only audible to the two lovers, it says 'This is my promise of eternal love to you, a part of me I'm trusting you'll love and cherish forever.' And when the receiver accepts it, it's as if responding, 'I gladly take what you are offering me, and in return, I offer you myself. I'm trusting in you to take care of me with the same devotion I will show you.'" She let out a deep sigh. "It's romantic, isn't it?"

"When you put it like that, yes."

She smiled. "Well, Mr…I'm sorry, what's your name sir?"

"Kaiba."

"Oh! Mr. Kaiba! My name is Sophie and it's an honor to assist you in one of the most important phases of you life." She leaned in over the counter. "Do you mind if I ask what she's like?"

"She?"

"You know, the girl who's won the heart of the sexiest bachelor alive, of course! Who else? What's she like?"

Yami's like a woman…I guess. I mean, what kind of man gets pregnant? Which reminds me, I should ask him about that…

"She's pregnant."

"Uh, well, that's nice, but that's not what I meant at all. Come one, what's she like? Does she make you laugh? Does she make you miserable sometimes? Do you love her beyond her faults?"

Does Yami make me laugh? It's not much of a laugh as it is a moan.

Does he make me miserable sometimes? Of course. We spend a night partaking in strenuous activities and he has the gall to close the window!

Do I love him? Dumb question, of course I don't.

"Mr. Kaiba? Mr. Kaiba?"

"He always closes the window."

"Excuse me?"

I just said something stupid, didn't I? "I said she always closes the window." I just said it again, didn't I?

Sophie laughed. "I assume that grates on your nerves, huh? Well, you're still here so I'm assuming you can look past that. So let's get started shall we? I'm assuming a budget will be of no concern to you, but maybe to start things off; it's common belief that the engagement ring should cost about two months salary, maybe we should start there, Mr. Kaiba?"

I nod in agreement.

"Here, let's go sit at my desk, we'll go over the 4 C's and you can tell me more about your future fiancé."

"The four C's?"

"Yes. Cut, clarity, color, and carat."

Ok, so maybe she did know what she was doing.

* * *

Upon exiting the Blue Diamond, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. I'll admit I feel odd. I never thought I'd ever buy an engagement ring, for Yami no less. But at least that's out of the way. The only thing I've yet to do is— 

_Ring ring._

Mokuba.

I take out my cell phone from my coat pocket and answer it.

"Hey Mokuba."

"Big Brother! You're out right now, right?"

"Yes, do you need something?"

"Well, I was hoping you could pick up a few new school shirts for me? I put them in your dresser over vacation. Since school's starting soon, I went to go retrieve them, but they're completely gone."

Yami. "Yeah, I'll go get you some. I just left Blue Diamond; the mall isn't far from here."

"Big brother?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you doing at a jewelry store?"

…It's going to have come out sooner or later.

"I'll explain when I get home."

* * *

"So let me get this straight. You're seeing Yami and now he's pregnant?" I ask slowly, trying to understand. My big brother is sitting on the couch, exasperatedly rubbing his face with his hands. I think he's tired of the fact that I haven't grasped the situation. But you have to admit…It's a bit…odd. 

"Yes."

"You're _seeing_ Yami and now he's…_pregnant_?" I'm positive we've been through this before, but I'm still in disbelief. I have so many questions, but it seems this is the only one I can articulate.

"Yes."

"You're SEEING Yami and now he's—"

"Yes!"

"Does that mean you've…" _Done it?_

"Yes."

"And you're not even…" _Married?_

"Yeah."

"And you're planning to…?" _Get married?_

"I guess."

"Does this mean you…?" _Love him?_

"No."

I shake my head and my bangs settle over my face again. "Wait, I'm confused. Let's start over."


End file.
